There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
