So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
