ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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