I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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