Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
