just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
