oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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