I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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