Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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