I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
