Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.