I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you