Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...