can we get nightvision for the apartment?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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