I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*