i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
