I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
