The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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