you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
high people should be assigned attendants
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
