I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
