I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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