ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
