He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And then my night got REAL pukey
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
