I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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