One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
