Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
