Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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