even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
