does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
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Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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