i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You're like the curious george of whores
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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