The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
