You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
