I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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