The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
