hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
