I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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