If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
