I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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