i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
