Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
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i will never coherently bang her
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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