were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize