i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
