dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
