i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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