508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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