I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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