I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
