My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Shame - the story of my life.
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