I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
they need to just BURY HIM!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she pinky promised me she was 18
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
