I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
