OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
