Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
