oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
