Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Swine flu is the new snow day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
