brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
