I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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