i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
