I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
