this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
