I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
