I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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