I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
did i walk over a car last night?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
