my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
