my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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