You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize