Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
