I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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