Please, let me fuck your mom
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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