Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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