dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
