I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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