guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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