her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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