first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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