you guys were way drunker than both of me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
