Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
