So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
